I’ve created this page to provide more information for my coworkers about my transition. Some may have friends or relatives who are transitioning, but to others the whole concept might be new. I’ll start with a few questions I expect people will ask. Please add new questions in the comments, or if you prefer, email me or talk to me personally.

How can you be transgender at your age?
Oh gee, thanks a lot. Seriously, though, a lot of people come to terms with their identity later in life. For me, the end of my marriage led to 18 months of introspection that culminated with a revelation when I read this blog post. This isn’t the first time I’ve been headed in this direction. Back in 2006, I decided I hated my facial hair and went for three sessions of laser treatment to try to get rid of it. But I never realized the significance, and 17 years passed before I finally clued in.

What does it actually mean? You want to be a woman?
Sort of yes, but mainly no. Gender is not an immutable predetermined attribute. It consists of our internal sense of who we are, combined with how we learn to express ourselves early in our lives. An online friend wrote an excellent article on the subject. I always felt like something was so wrong, I barely felt like a person at all. But I got very good at masking how I really felt. Kind of like Robin Williams.

Have you ever mused at the possibility of reincarnation, imagining what it would be like to come back as a rock star, a gifted athlete, or a Jedi? Every time I thought about the concept, I always imagined coming back as a woman.

But it’s more than that. I’ve always gotten along best with women; my best friends have exclusively been women for as long as I can remember. That’s called social sorting, and most often, men want to be friends with men and women want to be friends with women. I’ve only ever felt like I belong with women. Sorry guys; I just don’t understand you on a personal level.

Are you going to start wearing makeup and women’s clothes at work?
To an extent, but honestly you probably won’t notice much difference. How many people noticed my makeup at the Christmas lunch? Or the women’s top I was wearing? Quite a few people commented on my nails, but other than that, there’s really not a lot to change in our work environment. My shirts will become a little more expressive, but there’s not much I can change about jeans and work boots.

Are you on hormones?
Yes. I’ve been on estradiol patches and a testosterone blocker since late October. It’s still too early to notice any significant physical changes, but that will come within the next two years. The only thing I’m noticing so far is a change in my skin texture.

What about surgery?
That’s a personal matter that I won’t discuss in detail, but sometime in the next few years I’ll be taking some time off for at least one procedure.

Do I have to act differently around you?
Nope. I’m still the same person. I just know who I am now, and I’m happy for the first time I can remember. Don’t worry about using the wrong name or referring to me as “he.” I know it will take time for everyone to adjust. A Violet by any other name still looks just as purple.

What’s with all the purple, anyway?
A couple of years ago, I got tired of the plain colors I used to wear and decided to discover the colors that work best with my complexion. When I found out how good purple looks on me, I leaned into it.

Seriously, why are you doing this? You know you’re giving up functional pockets, right?
I know I’m giving up certain advantages and revealing an identity that will result in mistrust, discrimination, and potentially physical danger. I could have stayed in my big, comfy closet for the rest of my life. But once I knew that the closet existed, and I saw the real world, going back inside would feel like dying. I feel like my life began on August 10, 2023.

And so far I haven’t met with any adversity. Everyone who is in the know has been very supportive. When I get dressed up and made up to go out with my friends, I don’t feel like I’ve gotten so much as a second glance from anyone else. Well, unless they’re admiring my high-heeled purple boots!

How can “basic biology” result in a trans or gender diverse person?
“Basic biology” is a lot more complex than most people realize. Different combinations of X and Y chromosomes, additions or deletions to the gene sequences, and further mutations or development after birth can change who we are not just mentally, but physically. I’ve re-printed a social media thread written by a biologist who studies this subject.

Are you sure you’re not rushing into this?

Considering that the first signs of my identity tried to emerge from my unconscious mind in the late 1970s, no, probably not. Looking back, there have been so many signs of how I could have been living my life authentically instead of hiding in the shell that I felt was expected of me, it’s a wonder I didn’t figure this out years ago. 

So when I woke up last August, I didn’t delay. I got a referral to a gender affirming doctor, who saw my gender incongruence quickly and clearly. I started hormone treatment as soon as my doctor was able to arrange it. I started buying new clothes and expanding my makeup collection. (I started wearing makeup on social occasions more than a year before discovering my identity. Yeah. Another sign.) 

But even if I wake up on the morning of my one-year “tranniversary” and decide that this was all a big mistake (like if the world starts spinning backwards and the sun turns purple), everything I’ve done is completely reversible. Well, I’ll have A or B cup boobs by then, but a mastectomy is a routine procedure–which is also reversible through hormone treatment.

The chances of that happening are pretty slim. For the first time, I feel like I’m a complete person on my own. I look forward to living every day. I’m happy for the first time in my life. Every day I thank the universe for my transition.

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That’s all I have for now. If you’d like to ask a question, please post a comment or send me an email.