This post was originally published on my Substack blog on October 21, 2023.

When I came out to my mom a few weeks ago, she had some questions. She’s very analytically-minded, so they were insightful questions. One of them was about gender expression. Why do trans and gender diverse people put so much emphasis on feminine expression? My mom rarely wears anything more feminine than jeans and a t-shirt, and rarely wears makeup, but it doesn’t make her feel less like a woman. 

I know the reason I want to express my identity clearly is because I spent so long expressing myself as a gender that didn’t suit who I am inside. And not just expression; all of this “terrible T” did a great job of giving me a masculine body, and is starting to rob me of my hair. Now that I know who I am, I feel like I need to turn the tables. 

Not all at once; I’m still only part way out of my sturdy, comfortable closet. But I started dying my hair purple a few months before I was consciously aware of what I was trying to express. I wear makeup when I go out with my friends (another habit I’ve had since before I was conscious that I was transitioning). And I’ve recently started painting my nails. 

Out of all of the forms of expression I’ve adopted so far, my nails are the most satisfying. I don’t have enough hair to do much with it, and I don’t have the shape for feminine clothes. My makeup game is improving, but my face still isn’t quite right. But my nails are a small victory.

I compulsively bit my nails for decades. I tried to kick the habit many times, but always started again, unconsciously in most cases. If you’ve ever tried to quit a bad habit like smoking, imagine if you had cigarettes constantly attached to your fingertips. You don’t need to take any action besides raising your hand to your face. So when I first applied clear nail polish, it was mainly because I wanted a stealthy form of gender expression, but secondarily because I thought maybe it would discourage me from biting my nails. 

I don’t know whether it was the polish or my egg hatching, but I haven’t bitten one nail since. 

A beginner’s how-to

For anyone who is just getting started, nails are one form of expression you can get the hang of fairly easily. Here’s what I’ve learned so far.

With some polish, you can paint one coat on your unprepared nails, let it dry, and go on your way. But it won’t last very long, and you won’t have a smooth finish. I always apply multiple coats.

Before I paint my nails, I prepare them. First, I use nail polish remover to completely remove the previous polish. Then I use a coarse file to make sure the upper surface of my nails is smooth. After a few times, you won’t need much coarse filing. Then I use a fine buffing block to smooth out the surface. Finally, following a tip from a helpful employee at Sally Beauty in Edmonton, I give each nail a swipe with acetone-based nail polish remover to get rid of any dust and dehydrate the nail surface.

Next comes the base coat. Some friends recommended Essie, so I bought their Strong Start base coat. You just need a thin coat to protect the nail and help the next coat stick.

After applying the base coat, your next step is to wait.

Then, when you think it’s time to apply the next coat, wait a little longer. Even if your polish is marketed as “Insta-dry,” well, “insta” must mean something completely different in marketing speak.

You can speed up drying with a fan, but I’ve found I still have to wait a minimum of two minutes to ensure that the next coat covers the previous one instead of trying to blend into it.

The color coats require some practice. The tutorials I’ve seen recommend covering each nail with no more than three strokes. Unfortunately, this isn’t always easy. The color I’m wearing right now is Y’Orchid-ing from Finger Paints’ Naturalism collection. I love the color, but the brush is so tiny it takes at least five strokes to cover my thumbnails. Essie and Sally Hansen both have much better brushes.

Practice your brush work to get each coat as even as possible with few strokes. You’ll have to find the right thickness. Too thin and the color is blotchy, even after two or three coats. Too thick and it will flake off. 

I’ve gotten nice coverage with two coats, but you may want more. Some people advise adding four coats or more. 

After your main color, this is where you can add the magic. My favorite overcoat is Fig Flash from Sally Hansen’s Insta-Dri (haha) collection. It’s a semi-transparent light purple glitter coat that adds depth to the color underneath. That’s what I’m wearing in the picture, over the Y’Orchid-ing I mentioned above. It transforms a nice, deep burgundy red into a scintillating wine purple. 

Finally, don’t forget your top coat! I’m currently using Essie No Chips Ahead. It seems pretty effective, although I do a lot with my hands, so I get wear on the leading edge pretty quickly. 

If you have more nail tips, leave a comment below!