Content warning: Includes detailed descriptions of genital changes.

This post was inspired by a Facebook post showing a brief comic series by an artist who goes by @pittssmitts. The post describes a transmasc experience taking testosterone. It’s incredible how all of our experience differs, especially when transitioning in the other direction, so I thought I’d share my experience as it relates to the post.

What’s up?

It has taken some time to increase my estrogen levels, but with T-blockers, my testosterone went down to almost nothing very quickly. When you suppress your testosterone, you stop having spontaneous erections, notably overnight. You can maintain your function if you keep active, but you need to get up for at least ten minutes, three times a week. If you’re not regular about that, and you do get an erection, the accumulated scar tissue will make an erection very painful. 

After ten months on HRT, I haven’t lost any size, shape, or function. My penis doesn’t give me dysphoria, and I don’t want the incomplete clitoris that comes from full bottom surgery, so I work on it almost every day. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it! 

If your penis gives you dysphoria, and you don’t want to maintain function, take care not to stimulate yourself after several months with no erections. A friend told me about an experience like that, and it was not pleasant.

Even without penile pain, my testicles ached quite a bit as they lost their ability to produce testosterone. I found myself manspreading more than before to avoid squeezing my jewels. Luckily, this effect decreased after a while for me, and I can cross my legs in a very ladylike manner. That’s a good thing, because manspreading in a skirt might result in unwanted attention.

A Violet Rose by any other name…

An early sign that was surprising, but welcome is that my body odor almost completely disappeared for a while. When it returned, it smelled sweeter. But it still smells like me. So if your significant other is attracted to your pheromones, they probably still will be. 

Soon after that, my skin started getting softer. Much softer. I mean, so soft I couldn’t stop touching the side of my neck, my forearms, and other areas where it’s noticeable. And believe it or not, it’s still getting softer!

If you’re sexually active, you’ll find that you need more lubrication as the skin on your penis softens. You’ll chafe easily and you won’t be able to beat it up like you used to, if you’re into that sort of thing. 😇

Can you feel it?

One of the most significant changes was starting to feel emotions. Sadness hit me harder. As I adjusted to my new hormones, I cried a lot. But that wasn’t entirely new because I cried more in the first two weeks after my egg cracked than I had in the previous two years. The elevated estrogen level made me feel the emotion behind it more strongly. But a lot of that crying was happy because I felt happiness like I never imagined. 

The one emotion that was significantly reduced for me was anger. I still get pissed off, but there’s no rage; it’s more like focused determination. As I got used to my hormones, cried less, but my emotions are just as strong.

Kicked off the itty bitty committee

Perhaps the most visible change I’ve experienced is my boobs. Within three months after starting on estrogen, I felt like I had to wear a bra to avoid bouncing noticeably, and to reduce the friction against my shirts. My nipples became very sensitive, sometimes painful. By that point I had noticeable breast tissue developing.

I’m in decent physical shape, so I started with A-cup pecs, but I was surprised how quickly that changed. Depending on bra style, I now wear a 36 B or 36 C. At this rate, Christmas will be D-lightful!

In the zone

Your dosage depends on what your goals are. Your doctor is your best guide, as long as you’re not relying on an uneducated general practitioner. If that’s the case, you’ll want to consult reliable resources to help determine your best course of action. I started on patches. I’m older, so maintaining a fairly steady dose seemed prudent. Unfortunately, the maximum patch dose did not get my levels up into my target zone, so I switched to injections. After four months, I still was at the bottom of my target zone, so my doctor recently increased my dose. 

Make sure you communicate clearly with your doctor about the effects you’re getting vs. the effects you want. It’s your transition, and how it affects you is more important than an arbitrary target range. 

One range you shouldn’t neglect is testosterone. Everyone needs some testosterone. The healthy range for women is between 0.7 and 2.4 nmol/L. (Convert to your preferred units here.) At my lowest, I was down to 0.2. I had no libido, so it took an effort to maintain my erectile functionality. I had very strong mood swings, which I associated with getting used to the estrogen, but deficient testosterone may also have been a factor. My last measurement was 0.8 nmol/L, and I feel much better now. 

Hair today…

One thing pittssmitts doesn’t mention is hair. Testosterone has two main effects on hair growth. It causes more body and facial hair growth, and one of its metabolites reduces scalp hair growth. I’ve never liked having body hair. I started shaving it off more than a year before I woke up to my trans identity. I’ve also hated the fact that I could never grow long hair on my head. Conventional wisdom (based on very limited number of formal studies) states that scalp hair loss will slow or stop, but not to expect any regrowth. Well, my bald spot is no longer a bald spot. It’s still dysphorically thin, but it’s slowly filling in. And that’s after ten months with substandard estrogen levels.

Unfortunately, estrogen does not remove years worth of body and facial hair, although it gradually makes it thinner and lighter. Laser treatment has gotten me to the point where I have no beard shadow, and don’t even need concealer on my upper lip.

The fountain of youth

Overall, hormone therapy has made me feel younger. Considerably younger. And it’s not just in my head or my heart. People tell me I look younger. In fact, I met one person a couple of months ago who thought I was in my thirties! It was late, it was dark, and he was apparently nearsighted, but I’ll let my appearance from that evening speak for itself.

It’s been one year since I woke up and started to live. I’ve lived a lot in that year, but my story has just begun.